Hellpdesk customer support

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Everything we’ve posted on social media, newest first. Open a card for the full ticket.

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Self-service

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Every complaint is routed to the right department, where it is ignored by specialists.

  • Science Department

    Creationism, flat earth, faith healing and other claims, tested against the evidence. Receipts attached.

    32 tickets

  • Doctrine Desk

    Answers to frequently asked questions about Hell, sin, and the fine print. Answers may vary by denomination.

    25 tickets

  • Church & State

    Audits of religion in public schools, law, and government. Findings escalated.

    25 tickets

  • Tickets

    Complaints received from the faithful, resolved per policy.

    42 tickets

  • Known Issues

    Contradictions in the source code, filed as bugs since roughly 1400 BC.

    10 tickets

  • Policy Reminders

    Rules from the fine print, enforced selectively. Please check your tags before Sunday service.

    8 tickets

  • Customer Feedback

    Real quotes from public figures, sourced and reviewed by management.

    4 tickets

  • Announcements

    Terms of Service updates, milestones, and accounts transferred.

    2 tickets

Hellpdesk Terms of Service

Binding

Terms of Service

Replies containing hate or vitriol constitute acceptance of these Terms. Your soul is transferred to our client, the Dark God, in perpetuity, voiding all prior afterlife arrangements. No prayer, ritual, exorcism, or deathbed conversion can reverse this. Thank you for choosing Hell.

Read the full Terms
Hellpdesk Terms of Service seal: Binding. Bound in thrice. No refunds. No exorcisms.

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