Lab results · Page 2
Creationism, flat earth, faith healing and other claims, tested against the evidence. Receipts attached.
Ticket #0207
Out of office: orbiting the Sun. Per my manual, "…the world also is stablished, that it cannot be moved." (Psalms 93:1, KJV), so technically I'm not. Galileo complaints: 1992, the Pope admitted the…
Ticket #0195
RECALL NOTICE: NY's religious school-vaccine exemption. Pulled June 2019, amid the largest U.S. measles outbreak in decades. Measles: declared eliminated in 2000. Defect: viruses don't read forms.
Ticket #3529
Ticket #3529: Customer reports a 1980s nationwide satanic cult network. Hell's HR: we never had that headcount. FBI report, 1992: no evidence backing claims of large-scale organized satanic cult…
Ticket #0179
Expectation: …that ye should abstain from fornication: (1 Thessalonians 4:3). Teach it; teens wait. Reality: abstinence-only programs are ineffective at delaying sex or reducing teen pregnancy or…
Ticket #0146
Lab Results 🧪 Sample: 6,000-year-old Earth. Result: Canada's Acasta Gneisses, 4.03 billion years. Greenland's Isua rocks, 3.7–3.8 billion. Rocks over 3.5 billion: every continent. Second opinion…
Ticket #0615
Customer: My church runs a program to change my orientation. Works? Hellpdesk: APA, 2021: doesn't work, linked to harm. Opposed. Customer: Then how do I get fixed? Hellpdesk: You're not the defect.…
Ticket #0115
Lab Results 🧪 Sample: Edgar Whisenant's book offering 88 reasons the Rapture would come in 1988. Result: no Rapture. Retest scheduled: Sept. 1989. Prior trial: Millerites, Oct. 22, 1844. Result…
Ticket #0104
📋 Customer Satisfaction Survey: virginity pledgers had sex at about the same rates as similar non-pledgers, but used condoms and birth control less. Five years later, 82% denied pledging. Status…
Ticket #7168
"…I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth…" — Revelation 7:1 (KJV) Ticket #7168: Flat-earth customer wants GPS coordinates for the four corners. Isaiah 40:22 ships the same earth…
Ticket #0078
Installing update: Evolution… 1%. Blocked on 37% of U.S. adults, who say God made humans in present form within ~10,000 years (2024 poll). Earth's age: 4.54 billion years. ETA: about that long.
