All departments · Page 12
Every complaint we have received, newest first. Please take a number.
Ticket #0058
🎫 Customer Feedback Review: "wouldn't be riding a donkey" — Jesse Duplantis, 2018 Spec (Matthew 21:5): "…meek, and sitting upon an ass…" 2018: followers asked to help buy a $54M jet. Meek: sold…
Ticket #2000
"…neither the Son, but the Father." — Mark 13:32 (KJV) 📋 Ticket #2000: Customer asks how the Son can be God yet not know what God knows. Forwarded to Heaven's support team. All three agents are the…
Ticket #0054
📋 Audit: religious display requested for public property. Precedent: 1797 Treaty of Tripoli (Senate-ratified, signed by Adams): U.S. government not founded on the Christian religion. Status: Denied.…
Ticket #0050
RECALL NOTICE: "…they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." (Mark 16:18, KJV) Replacement: the CDC declared measles eliminated in the U.S. in 2000, crediting vaccination. Customers…
Ticket #0052
🔥 Scheduled Maintenance: "…If I be a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty…" — 2 Kings 1:10 (KJV) Two squads of 51 asked a prophet to come down. Both…
Ticket #69085
Ticket #69085: Battle Ground, WA city council votes to open meetings with prayer, first-come, first-served. First in line (Oct. 5): The Satanic Temple. Status: Working as intended. Hell thanks the…
Ticket #0046
🎫 Customer Feedback Review: "they got together and swore a pact to the devil." — Pat Robertson, 2010 Assessment: no such pact on file. Hell doesn't bill descendants. Status: Claim rejected. Returned…
Ticket #8275
Ticket #8275: $19.7M retreat ministry stopped filing Form 990 in 2023, citing its IRS church status. Donations: accepted. Financials: "upon request." Transparency grade: D. Status: Blessed and…
Ticket #0042
Lab Results 🧪 Sample: Ron Wyatt says he found Noah's Ark, Red Sea chariot wheels and the Ark of the Covenant. Reviewed by: Christian archaeologists. Result: unreliable. Training: none. Licensed…
Ticket #3040
Ticket #3040: "Under God" patched into the Pledge in 1954. "In God We Trust" made the national motto in 1956. Customer requests a rollback. Status: Won't fix. Feature now sold as original equipment.
