All departments · Page 7
Every complaint we have received, newest first. Please take a number.
Ticket #3774
Incident Report #3774: A school board member called a Salem history museum Satanic and voted no. The board said yes. The museum said the tickets are free. Hell would like it noted we don't run the…
Ticket #0197
"And it repented the LORD that he had made man…" — Genesis 6:6 (KJV) 📋 Scheduled Maintenance: humanity, beasts and birds rolled back (v. 7). Reason: vendor regrets the release. Numbers 23:19: God…
Ticket #0195
RECALL NOTICE: NY's religious school-vaccine exemption. Pulled June 2019, amid the largest U.S. measles outbreak in decades. Measles: declared eliminated in 2000. Defect: viruses don't read forms.
Incident Report #3774
A Batavia school board member and pastor voted against a senior trip to the Salem Witch Museum. The board approved it, and the museum comped the tickets.
Ticket #2099
Ticket #2099: If God commands the endorsement, why must it come tax-exempt? July 2025 IRS court filing: churches may endorse candidates to congregations and keep exemption. Commandments: 10. Tax…
Ticket #0187
📋 Friendly reminder: our Terms of Service are in the pinned post. Most customers skim them. That's fine. Replying "burn in hell" still counts as a signature. We are very flexible about signatures.…
Ticket #3529
Ticket #3529: Customer reports a 1980s nationwide satanic cult network. Hell's HR: we never had that headcount. FBI report, 1992: no evidence backing claims of large-scale organized satanic cult…
Ticket #0183
📋 Compliance Audit: The Satanic Temple says the IRS designated it a church in 2019. TST says it doesn't believe Satan exists. Its critics do. Status: Working as intended.
Ticket #0179
Expectation: …that ye should abstain from fornication: (1 Thessalonians 4:3). Teach it; teens wait. Reality: abstinence-only programs are ineffective at delaying sex or reducing teen pregnancy or…
Ticket #0177
🎫 Customer Feedback Review: "look, an eye for an eye, you can almost say that." — Donald Trump, 2016 Assessment: Jesus quotes it only to overrule it (Matthew 5:38–39). Favorite feature: the…
